I just want it known that I do not see an issue with the fictive kin. In fact, they sound absolutely *wonderful* and if I have to give Monkey to someone, I'm glad it is people who seem so great. Additionally, Monkey will have access to biological family (which was unknown before last Friday) which is GREAT also.
I have a problem with the system though and Monkey is the one going to pay for how lousy it is.
Because they didn't find and plan for a plan B in the first place....
Because they didn't tell the fictive kin what they have to do in order to get Monkey so they aren't even starting the process til next month...
Because the ICPC process takes incredibly long....
Because EVERYTHING takes so incredibly long....
Monkey sadly has lost her biological parents because of their choices and how they are.
Then Monkey lost her family as placement due to unforeseen circumstances.
Now Monkey has a wonderful home with a family who absolutely adores her. She has progressed beautifully with our help. We have been so blessed by having her. But she is going to lose us also, at a very inopportune time in her development.
See, we all see that it is harmful for kids to be removed from their parents, but we do it because it is MORE harmful to leave them with their parents for whatever reason. Removal from their first home is not something we take lightly because we understand it is problematic. For some reason, it doesn't seem that people understand that taking kids from the home they've been loved in for 6, 12, 18, 24 months is also an issue. Here, there seems to be NO transitions regardless of where they are going or if they know the people. They are whisked away, never to see the people they've known as their parents again. Now, sometimes, they DO know the people they are going to (parents, close family members, people who had visits). That won't be the case for Monkey. A worker (likely not her caseworker) will pick her up, go on a plane with her, and deliver her to her new family. She won't know where mommy and daddy and sissy who she shares a room with are. This same kid who screamed all night in a hotel room WITH us is just supposed to go be some stranger's daughter.
The same is likely true of the OP's child. She will have little to no transition and supposed to fill some role while wondering where mommy disappeared to after 13 or 15 or 18 months. How on earth is that good for her?
No, the family members aren't horrible. The system shouldn't be set up in the way it is so that children are ripped away from their daily family after many months. The system shouldn't be so incredibly slow about getting kids where they need to go.
And I absolutely, the second I get the chance if I get it, will fight for Monkey, because if it gets to that point, it is MORE than in her best interest to be here than ripped away (honestly, I believe it is in her best interest now). It isn't anything against the fictive kin or any other family. We are her daily family. We are the ones who love her second by second through boo-boos, through physical therapy, through her first steps, through her first words, through pictures, through bottles and sippy cups, through first cupcakes, through every second of every day. We are the ones here for her. She is our daughter and we are her parents on a day to day basis.
Again, I have never had this situation. We don't simply hope every child who walks through our door is our forever kid. We respect RU with bioparents, family members, etc. We have sent 13 kids on in the last 17 months. It hurts, but we believe every single one of them was how it was supposed to be at the time (whether we thought it ideal or not). I simply don't believe the same about Monkey. I don't believe these fictive kin, after she's been here 5, 8, 13 months is best for her.
But I reiterate, I don't think the fictive kin are horrid. I do wish they had been more proactive, but....But they aren't horrid.
Source: http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/406954-has-anyone-tried-fight-system.html
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